Don't know what can I write anymore. Hope I can have a "new" life at there.

Finally,handed it to him
He didn't say anything, just received.
It means I will leave here soon,and back to my origin place.
I wouldn't see him anymore (even I am not leaving,I am still not meeting him)
But the feeling is different, because our distance is getting far and far.
So long...

Start a new page or continue???

倒数两天就可以远离这鬼地方了.心里顿时轻松了很多.辞职,不知道是好还是坏.已经不能忍受那寒冷的天气了,冷到...穿了两件衣服,盖了三张被,还是不能.或许我这副身子适合活在热带的地方吧.

今天的心情不宜工作,放工的一个小时,突然想离开,结果就买了车票,搭车下山了.在车上遇到一对难搞夫妇.正当我在等巴士上享受着我的巧可力牛奶,突然听见:"this is my seat!!you should sit according the number!XXX"吵死了,若要坐得舒服就搭乘豪华巴士,不要在这里大吵大闹.

我害了他，不要再說對不起了，因為我才是應該說對不起的人。

another option

Received a message from a colleague, get knew that she will resign and go for a better job, a job which she likes very much. Really happy for her, can have a job that she dreamed, wish her all the best in her new job and congratulation that she is escape from the evil job,ha ha... but myself is still in the "hell", really don't know when will be my time to escape from here.

Last 2 days, went to play pool with friend. Thanks Nicole for teach me to play, really enjoyed the time. I was totally enjoyed in the game, it made me forget all the sadness, released all the tiredness. After the game, I walked back to my hostel. On the way back, the only thing played in my mind:" should I apply job at Genting? be an executive is better than working under Watsons?"

Back to hometown. First time i drive back, first time back to hometown since the day I started my working life. He gave me a job opportunity, asked me to consider to work at Ipoh. It's really a suprise. 2 different jobs, each of them has advantage and disadvantage.
Advantage:
Genting: big company, free accomodation, good working background, of course the cool weather as well.
Ipoh: My hometown, can back to my own place, stable job.

Disadvantage:
Genting: big company sure politic damn kao kao, there might be no life at there because of the boringness.
Ipoh: the pay might not good as Genting, no freedom...


I have to decide, decide for my own future, every single step that I take will affect my future. Anyone can choose for me? Or the last option, Get married and find a rich husband

I must be crazy, drink for 2 days continuously...

Move

Don't know what's going on to me, it's come into my mind suddenly--working holiday! I know they are totally disagree with me, but this idea really interesting. I can leave this place, start a new life at out there, meet more people, view more interesting stuff, quite fun! but who is willing to follow me? I guess no one. May be I am escaping from something that cause me wants to leave this country so much. Am I? I have really no idea, lost my direction and no one can guide me. even there is someone guide me, give me alot of advices but it's useless...because my heart is missing far far away, it had been missing for few months dy..I know life still go on, but with a heartless mandy.

I'm totally fed up, being a normal staff in company, people might thinking I'm lucky coz doing easy job with a high salary, but this is not what I want!! I went up there is for learning purpose, not for fun, just wasting my time!! I guess no point to staying at here.

People would not think why he or she will behave in this way. For me, every action,decision made sure there is their own reason, we have to find it out and try to understand it. But that is the thing most of the people fail to do it. They just know to blame on them,saying that they should not behave in this way, it is totally wrong... Nothing i can do, this is the last..People thought what I say is joking, not serious.What I can tell you is he is totally wrong..

Nice to meet you, thanks for the all...

9-11-09

I’m getting lazy to work!!! If I can just enjoy my life by hanging around with friends, enjoy with them without work, but all these are imagination, guess I’m just dreaming, haha…
I’ve been stayed at here for 3 weeks but still can’t get used to it. The weather is freaking cold, I hate cold weather!!Don’t understand why I will choose this place. I’ve no choice, it’s all about money. Well, guess that’s LIFE. Sometimes we have to scarify something to get what we want, even thought we dislike it but we still have to do it.
Sorry to them because I’m lie to them for a period of time. I don’t know how to let them know because they are my beloved and I don’t want to hurt them.

Why can't you understand? It's not simple as ABC. It's involved the one I loved, the one who I live for 22 years. You've changed, not the same person that I knew a year ago. People keep advice me to leave you but I don't. It's not because I'm stupid, it's because I think human is deserve for the second chance. But I think I have give you more than that but you don't even realize it. So I'll take consideration.

I am starting to escape again..this time i am not escaping from him,but is them. They are horrible, smile in front of you but can be the one who backstage you. What should I do? I just can do nothing and act stupid, do my part,that's all.

Things are going complicated. Workplace is like a war, you have to be smart, be alert people who around you, they might be your friend now and might be your enemy after a minute. Don't simply say something stupid or else it will cause you "die" in workplace without notice. Have to be careful with every person , everything, don't too mercy, because there is no such thing in workplace. Be good with those who can give you benefit, if he/she can give you something then you only can be good with them, if they are not don't ever try to be friendly with them.

I am back

Told you that I will be back. Now I'm really back after 1 year plus. A lot of changes here, I'm not working in the same company, people do leave and there are some new faces which I don't recognize. Whatever, It's still a question mark on me, is it the best way I choose to go up here? Am I escaping from something or wanna have a brand new life? I don't think anyone can tell me these because I don't even know. Meeting ex-colleagues, trying to get some activities so that wouldn't get bored at here, I guess this is all the things I can do. 3 months...Time to improve myself, get success in my career. Hope I can achieve my target.

Confusing!!!I did not get the confirmation to go up there till now!!Really frustrated. I need to prepare my stuff, get ready myself but he just told me that need to wait. What the hack! there are only left 2 days to go up there and now I can't do anything, I don't know what should I do, totally lost my direction. I know you are the boss, but please give a clear direction to me, do not play me like a fool. I am human being as well, not your pet.

What a fcuking day~!!!!

Really shit! I worked like an idiot today,worked alone ,all by myself!They just watching me work like a hell!! I was trying to make some improvement at the store, just want to work out with them, but they don't think so, they thought it is just wasting time, energy. No one listening to me! Okay, fine. I'm just do all these by myself without you guys' help. I know they lost passion on work but it does not mean they can just leave all the problems and do nothing.

Hot chocolate with marsmallow

Whole day hang out with my boss,haha..we chatted from 5pm till 2am.Kind of crazy.. At the moment, we are friends, it's really comfortable by not taking him as my boss. Oh my..he is complaining about girls' body figure,he said his girl friend must be slim,pretty =='... i think he must hit his head today,haha..I think he will be a good friend if he is not my boss.

Bye guys,here i come...

I think I have fate with it.I'm back to it. Going up again but work for different company~~Trying to escape from what am I facing at down town, trying to have new start at upstair..I know it's not a good idea to escape, but I'm really out of my mind, doesn't know how to face all these anymore, escape,hiding myself are the only thing I can do now. Bye friends...

Guess this is the end

I've given you too much but I'm taking back my love. So all this love I give you, I take it away.

Now I know the feeling of being transparent.No worries, I will get lost.

I was drunk again and again..used to drink like a hero,keep drinking ,drinking and drinking.But thanks to them for accompany me. I worked in a drunk mode, haha... First time went to colleague's house for Hari Raya open house. His family was welcoming us ,kind of surprise. A bit shy is because I am the only chinese at there with all Malays. But it was really a sweet memory. Really enjoy it so much~~

Gosh...finally I get my full payment (last month's payment had deducted deposit for uniform T_T ),kind of excited to get my first full payment in my life,it's like shouting in my heart :"WOW,i got it!!". Haha..I know it sounds silly, but the feeling is really cool man especially for those fresher like me.

The more longer I work in this company, the more politic or problem I saw. Boss is always has problem in term of hormone balancing (because she likes to scold her staff for no reason). She can shouting at the store because she thought the display at the store is not nice and asked her staff change it immediately,nonsense man~~

Trying to let something go even I am not willing to do that, but I am feeling better. Even we like it very much and try to have it, wanna keep it with us but on the other hand we might suffering, so why not we just let it go? By letting it go, I am really release my painful. I guess that is the best solution for me.

再次遇见他，再一次的相信他。不知道是对还是错。。

shoud I?

I don't know the decision is right or wrong,the only thing I know is I love you more than I can say

Thanks

Thanks to them,such a long time I did not go to club club already lu...That night, 3 fellows,1 table,1 bottle of Chivas. It makes me flash back those happy memories with them. We used to hang out together,yamcha together,clubbing together.Thanks guys, I am really had alot of fun on that night.Hope we can another happy day together.

Looks like I am the one who think too much, all are excuses~~and only I know

Peaceful day

A day everyone is working, but for me,it's my off day
doesn't mean too much,not really special, just staying at home alone facebook+ing and watching drama for the WHOLE DAY. What else can I do? Don't really feel to hang out alone,go for movie alone,shop alot. So better I stay at home, enjoying the moment of being alone.

happy birthday

To my dearest dear,

Dear, happy birthday. Hope you are enjoying your birthday with all your friends. Birthday is means anniversary of the particular day on which a person was born. In other words, you have live in this world for 21 years, thanks god that you are still living in this world and surrounding with all your friends. Hope you can forget all those sad, unhappy memories and keep happy, sweet memories only in your whole long life.

Love,
Mandy

Another enjoyable day

"Rou Yuan" at The Gardens Mid Valley

Pork leg mee suan@ The Gardens Mid Valley

It's Saturday, met with my ex-class representative-Jaclyn at Mid Valley. Even we just met for few hours,but I'm really happy, at least I am still keep in touch with them,haha...since the day i start my working life, I have less contact with them already, fell myself have no friend at all~~~

look out point

Enjoying a dinner with them in a KL view

cream of carrot soup

deep fried fish fillet


A lunch at The Ship.
Thanks to my boss~~
he said:"you all are Watson's future. You can help me build an empire."
it means office war is begin...

A sudden moving out~~

gonna weargrass~~

disappear myself in your life~~

Girls Outing

steamboat@Yuan, Sunway--finished by 2 girls

Such a long time didn't relax already. Today I was finished work early so just decided to hang out with my room mate. We went to Sunway for steamboat then shopped at Tesco till 1am. 2 girls hang out , the feeling is not bad, quite fun. My room mate said:"你化悲伤为食量。"But I don't think so. Yes, I was angry because of someone but it doesn't affect my appetite.

A sudden offday~~~~

Really suck~~

Everyone is working so what can I do is staying at home ++

the real face of IT

Finally I get know the situation of my working place. It's complicated.WTH...gimme salary A but asking me to do more tasks.Hello....I am not compulsary to work OT for you without paid. But no choice, I can't resign now, I have to wait till I found a suitable job. I do love my job but it does not means they can take advantage from me. I am tired of it!! No time to gather with friends, no time for movie, no time for facebooking~~LIVE FOR WORK--I don't want to live in this way.

I am the experimental. They treat me as mice. Not really appreciate our afford.gosh...when can I get a suitable job with a reasonable payment?

another convocation 10/08/09

Monday- it's his big day.

Watching him weared graduation attire,received certification, never think that we are going to graduated together and start our working life. As his sister,I am really proud of him.

We went to studio to take graduation photo. Such a long time did not gather with family in this way. Since the day i went to KL for study, I'm really spend less time with them. I'm sorry and please forgive me, I'll try my best and please gimme a chance to pay back.

八月八日，我的毕业典礼。昨晚没睡，和朋友出去玩到凌晨，然后就直接出席毕业典礼。。哈哈。。。好久都没有过这样的生活了。当了上班族后，每天都是带着疲惫的身子回家，根本没有多余的时间去玩。爸妈第一次出席我的毕业典礼，有一点感动。他们为了我，一大清早就要开车到这儿，辛苦了爸妈。。。
相隔了三个月再次遇见她们，感觉不一样了。在他们的身上已找不到学生的气味了，别人对他们的第一个印象不再是学生，而是上班族。不再问：“你在哪里读书？”而是问：“你在哪里上班？在哪里上班？”

在礼堂里，大会安排了歌唱节目，其中一首歌是“祝福”。不知道是演唱者唱得太好还是音乐旋律的魔力，心中涌出不舍的感觉，当时的心情是：“这一次真的要和他们离别了，读书的生涯真地结束了。”眼泪已在眼眶翻滚，但我还是没有哭，不想让他们看见我这样的样子。

毕业典礼结束后，一票人到外面拍照。一群人，几个照相机在我们的面前，都不知道要对哪一个镜头笑，感觉就像是大明星开记者会，一群记者争先恐后地替明星照相。

~~~永别了朋友，我们曾经拥有过的回忆已锁在我的脑海里，永远都不会磨灭~~~

A relax working day

Today, I was going to Times Square for meeting at 8am,gosh....really exhausted,have to go there for 2 hours meeting and then heading back to The Curve to work,what the hell....!!!Those big head just talk ,talk and talk at there,not interesting at all =.=' I had met colleagues who are join this company with me in the same day, a bit stressful because afraid I'm the only one who cannot catch up. They all really looks like able to do their job well..quite challenging. I'm fresh graduated, without any experience in this field and working life.

What a surprise day,it should be a busy day for me, I'm mean during my working time,I'm suppose have something to do, but I was really really relaxing today, feel like uncomfortable without doing work,haha...may be i am crazy worker.(that's what my friends comment on me)

Manager was having a meeting with superiors yesterday. I feel myself not enough hardworking in term of learning to do those paper work. It's really embarrassing because I've join the company for 2 weeks but still not able to follow up all the paper work. Hopefully I can learn in a more faster way and absorb more and more knowledge so that i can get promo ,wahaha...

I read her blog and I know how's her feeling. I'm sorry for talking bad about him to you. The same advice:"YOU REALLY NEED TIMES TO LET THESE THINGS GO."I believe that you can do it,ganbatte...!! You deserve a better one.

母女鞋

东北菜

昨天和家人到昨天和家人到Times Square附近的一家饭店叫“东北菜”吃晚餐。好好吃哦。。。果然是和我平时吃的菜不一样，别有一番风味。我的人就是这样，不大会偏食，只要是吃得就可以放进口里，所以咯，本小姐才会有酱的身材 (==)' Uncle Lim,我又来报到了！！星期日的凌晨和朋友上云顶走走，走着走着就进了赌场，输了RM10!!!玩到凌晨五点多才回，九点早上就要起床了。难得的一天的off day，没关系啦，就轻松一下下啦。。。难得父母亲驾到，就陪他们到处逛逛，我和妈妈在时代广场买了母女鞋，同款不同颜色，嘿嘿。。。晚上和朋友去Ducking用餐。又是一餐饱死的晚餐，再这样下去，我想我的水桶腰就快出现了。真的很饱很饱~~~哥哥，放我的身材一条生路吧~~

螃蟹大餐

一上班就没有休息的机会，做足八个小时。今天又学了新东西，就是当收银员；学会怎麽用他们的系统，怎么一心两用( 就是当收银的也要做其它事，要两边都兼顾）。可能是华人公司吧，俗语说：“给你酱的工钱，就要榨干你，要你做的工作超过你应得的薪水。”累了一整天，还好有人接我放工，哈哈。。不然我一定在巴士上睡着，糗死了。。。今天和堂哥，堂姐，弟弟到甲洞吃螃蟹大餐，饱死了。。。不用说我的体重。。。。算了吧，难得和他们一起用餐，谈天，开心就好 (^^) 原本晚上要去玩耍的，可是我已经睡了八个小时，但是还是没有多余的精力和她们出去，很抱歉，我又放你们飞机了。

my fourth working day

倒霉极了！！今天一大清早到了Jalan Cheng Lok上班，等一一个小时才被通知今天要去The Curve.还好还有两位同事和我一样，要到The Curve上班，起码有人陪，嘿嘿。。。我们三人的胆子还真大哦，搭地铁到Pj后不是立刻上班哦，而是先吃了早餐才上班。哈哈。。。还真的是人生的第一次。

My Working Life~~

Finally I start my working life. My first job, first working experience. Even though it is tiring, sleepy but I am really enjoying it. Hmm..Can't say I am a hyperactive girl, just don't like to sit in the office for 9 hours and facing the computer screen everyday, that's why I am enjoying my current job. Today is the third day I work in Watsons, getting to absorb what they taught me in these three days, hope i can do it better. The job is meets my needs, I can travel around the outlets, my butt don't have to stick on the same chair, my eyes don't have to look at the computer screen for whole day ^^

年纪渐渐地大了，老骨头开始不中用。工作了几天已经腰酸背痛。。。

SO WHAT??!!

I know I am not slim enough for you, I know myself very well,I know my limits,so...? If I am really not that suitable for you just find someone who are slim,has a sexy body. I don't care~!! Get a hot chick for yourself.

期待

下个星期就要开始我的工作生涯了，不能够再逍遥的玩乐了。有点担心自己不能胜任这份工作，希望一切顺顺利利。。。

我是工作狂

我爱工作，爱到处跑，不能静静的坐着。你叫我乖乖的呆在家里等于叫我去死。我宁愿一个星期七天工作也不要在家无所事事。

好久都没有去逛街，看电影了！！认识了他六年，今天还是第一次和哥看电影，哈哈。。。我，她和他看了《drag me to hell》，真不好意思，我还在戏院里喊了出来。

对不起，我有麻烦你了。虽然你说我是你的妹妹，不用怕麻烦你，但我还是觉得不好意思。
谢谢，感谢你昨天的帮忙。我知道那天你有比赛。你为了我而放弃出赛的机会，真的很感动。

关于小强

那天还好哥来载我放工，不然的话我也不知道怎回家，谢谢哥。。。
他载了我后，我们去喝糖水。每次和他出去都是他付钱，真不好意思。答应了他，一定会用第一份薪水请他吃东西。好久都没有和他聊得那么开心了。真好笑，我们的话题既然围绕着小强（蟑螂）。原来小强的由来是因为它的生命力顽强；原来小强比人类还早出现在这地球上。他告诉我他凌晨三时被小强吵醒，不能入睡。两个大男人拿着杀灭小强的武器，大开杀戒，还将小强冲进马桶，对它敬礼。这令我想起以前的网友，也是大男人一个，既然抓小强，然后开gas炉烧小强。可怜的小强，既然有这么多的人用这么多的方式谋杀你。。。不过小强的却还蛮可怕的，哈哈。。。

星期四

即将踏入社会的我，今天才发现原来一个人的能力是有限的。真的很想让身边的人快乐，过着无忧无虑的生活，但我的能力真的有限，我做不到。。。真的很想替他们解决问题。钱是什么？一个让人头痛的东西。没有它，会让人烦恼，每天都在想如何能挣到更多钱;有了它，还是会烦恼，烦恼着怎样能挣到更多钱，每天都在担心别人会夺取它。今天和朋友聊天，她说：“我不会介意他帅不帅，身高，我只在乎他是不是一个会为将来着想的人，一个可以让我过着不用为钱烦恼的人。”我明白她的意思，了解她的想法。看见她一个人离家到外地工作，背起了养家的责任，真的佩服她有这样的勇气。原本已经约好和一般朋友旅行，游玩，但我被逼放弃，需要去工作，伤心。。。

惊喜

晚上和家乡的朋友喝茶，他给了我一个惊喜，在英国工作的朋友突然出现在我面前！吓我一跳，还以为我见鬼了，没有想到她会突然回来。我们聊起中学的那段日子，唤起很多回忆。不经不觉，我已经离开中学生涯有四年了。看见她，真的变了。。。大家都变了。 其实根本没有想过要回家,没想到这次的回家会有意外的惊喜，幸好没有错过这个惊喜。。

爱情

爱情就像便便
来了挡也挡不住
爱情就像便便
水一冲就再也回不来了
爱情就像便便
每次都一样又不大一样
爱情就像便便

有时努力了很久却只是一个屁

终点

生活变得没有规律了，当大家在睡觉时，我却在线上。心。。。还是会想念着他，理智告诉我我不可以这样。看着那些我们曾一起看电影所留下的票根，回忆每天都浮现在脑海，但。。我又能做些什么？他或许不懂我会把票根留下，这些应该是他留给我唯一的回忆吧。

07.05.09

这一天是我在大学的最后一天，考完下午的测验，就和一斑同学吃饭庆祝生日。整晚没睡的我依然精神，哈哈。。看来我又升仙了。一票女生在一家餐厅里吵吵闹闹的，看着她们的那一刻，不舍的心情出现，心想：“我们就这么散了，以后就各走各路。。。”今天也是我们第一次出夜街，大家都打扮得美美的，开开心心的喝茶。两年以来，第一次和她们出夜街，有点不可思议，嘿嘿。。因为通常只在学校见到她们。还蛮开心的，为我的大学生涯增加色彩，谢谢大家。。。我们还到夜店，好久没和她们泡夜店了，回想起当时和她们疯狂的日子，真的很怀念。虽然知道时间是不会倒流的，但希望可以回到过去，回到没有烦恼的日子，回到只有快乐，不用担心金钱的日子。

愉快的记忆

劳动节前夕，和一班朋友到处玩耍，好开心哦。。。这次可能是最后一次和她们混了。疯狂的我们在一个夜晚去了三个地方--bangkok jazz KL, Quattro, Genting。年轻嘛。。。现在不做一些疯狂的事，难道要等到七老八十吗？哈哈。。。

感谢词

首先，我要谢谢我的家人，谢谢他们那一顿丰富的晚餐，谢谢我的表姐们，谢谢他们的出席和礼物，我会好好珍惜的。接下来，谢谢我的同学们，谢谢他们替我庆祝生日和蛋糕，那蛋糕是我22年以来第一个secret recipe的蛋糕。当然还要谢谢朋友们，依然记得我的生日，即使你们不能替我庆祝，但一封祝福的简讯已经足够了，本人真的感激+感动+开心。我知道她真的想给我惊喜，她的心意我知道了，谢谢。。缺了他的祝福是有遗憾，但朋友们的祝福已胜过他了。。

this is the TIME**

是时候了，我已决定。我不应该对无情的他还有一丝丝的不舍得。在他心里，我想我的地位连朋友都不如。放手可能会让我好过一点吧。

决定---坚定

我要坚持！！坚定！！坚持我的决定，决不再心软！不再任他摆布！其实我都知道，事实就在我眼前，是我害怕，不敢面对，一直在逃避。。。逃了八个月。。。他一次又一次的谎言我都知道，为什么我要委屈我自己？他。。。。值得吗？值得我去守候吗？就像一个“见光死”的人，没有人懂我的存在。

回来咯。。。好运！！

原以为二零零九年会比去年好。。霉运却还在！！无聊人的骚扰，财运流失，学业退步，这也算了，网上的户口还被人盗用！！真是气死我了！！！老天爷啊。。您还想我怎样？？本人只是小女人一个。。现在可说是人又老，钱又没。。。

好好保重

认识你的日子不久，但依然希望你能顺顺利利，好好照顾自己哦。。。

请叫我“酒咖”

星期六的夜晚，和一群朋友泡夜店。对不起，当天的我很失礼，哭得稀里哗啦停不了。。。谢谢他们的安慰和照顾。

生日快乐

“祝你生日快乐，祝你生日快乐，祝你生日快乐。。。”室友，生日快乐哦，对不起不能和你在高级餐厅庆祝你的生日，只能到secret recipe和Murni替你庆生，小小心意，不要见怪哦。

期待

期待着和他下一次的见面，但下一次可能是一个月后，可能是两个月后，不懂。。。他既然不懂我的生日，我知道生日没有什么大不了，但一个你爱的人既然不知道你的生日快要到了，心是一阵阵的刺痛。最后，我还是没有告诉他。

倒数

今天是四月七日了，距离我即将离开的日子还有一个月，整整一个月，每多没少。。真的不想离开，不想离开他。昨天和朋友去唱歌，听她唱“坏人”，放手是对他残忍？还是对我残忍？我想是我吧，伤心的可能就只有我一个，他。。。可能可以光明正大的脱离我这个包袱吧。纵然我的姐妹和我说了千万次，但我还是败给我的“心软”，对不起。。我是如此的软弱，永远的败在他手里。。

这是他的第三通电话，我没有接听。很怕电话通了，却不懂要讲些什么，最终还是选择了逃避。是我怕失去他，还是怕知道真相？

愚人节

今天是愚人节，没被人作弄，也没作弄人，无聊~~

星期五

星期五--不是什么特别的日子，就无所事事的呆在家里上网，看戏，做功课。。突然电话响，传来那把声音：“烂卡，clubbing lo.."就这样，我的星期五终于有一点点地不一样了。我们好坏哦，在那里一直笑别人的舞蹈，不过也不能怪我们，真的好好笑,哈哈哈。。。

我们一起毕业吧！！

一个下雨的早晨，二十位女生身穿白衬衫拍毕业照。我才感觉到距离分离的日子越来越近了，真的有种不舍得的感觉。大家在哪儿闹来闹去，一直在拍照，真的很有趣。还有两个月，大家就各分东西，各自追逐自己的梦想，过着不一样的生活。读书生涯即将结束，未来要面对的是工作的压力，生活的烦恼。想一想，有点恐怖。。。。

生日快乐。。

二零零九年三月二十三日是她的生日。在晚上的十一点十二分，被寿星女叫出去。。哈哈，已经有七月没有和她这样疯狂过了，真的很开心。。三个人玩得疯疯颠颠的。哈哈。。我把她灌醉了！(^^)对不起秋霞，不要生气啦，生日嘛。。一年只有一次，嘿嘿！！生日快乐哦。

凌晨。。

凌晨两点十六分，听着s.h.e的《沿海公路的出口》，里面的歌词写着“倘若放一次手，就像咳一个嗽，我又何苦在乎得不到的温柔。。。游不住回忆却学不会放手，怎么走。”放手真的那么困难吗？其实一点也不难，执著的我可以做到的，只是不想而已。朋友都说：“放手吧，为什么要委屈自己？你会找到更好的。”她对我说过：“你不想放手是因为你怕你再也见不到他，你们的回忆不多，所以你现在放手的话，他会永远消失在你的世界。他从来都没有留过你”没错，她说的一点也没错。她说穿了我。不想再纠缠下去了，真的累了，我的心灵累了。。。。

对不起，谢谢你

我都知道你是为我好，才对我说这一番话。对不起我让你担心了。谢谢你对我的关心。。

回来吧~~

真的有点相信朋友给我的封号“铁人”。最近的我时间颠倒，一天只睡几个小时。。原以为2008的霉运已消失了，谁知它不但没有消失，还随着2009来到我的生命里。神啊。。救救我吧，一把年纪了，好运快降临我的身上吧！

谢咯，哥！

除了很庆幸我拥有健康的体魄之外，也很庆幸拥有一直支持我的朋友。。好久都没和他煲电话粥了，这长达一小时的谈话让我感觉到他对我的关心。他的一句话：“你永远都是我的好妹妹。。”一个和我没有任何关系，没有血缘关系的男人，只有几年的认识，对我如此的关怀。。心中顿时感到很窝心。

13.03.09生日快乐

相隔了五年的时间，昨天和两位家乡的朋友一起共度晚餐。那顿晚餐不是简单的一餐饭，对我而言是一顿很有意义的晚餐。虽然不是什么山珍海味的菜肴，但我却非常享受也吃得很满足，开心。这次的聚会是为我的好朋友庆祝生日，自从她搬迁到吉隆坡居住后，我们的距离变远了，相对的联络也少了,但姐妹情却没有因此而变淡。在我们的谈话中，我感到很意外，她既然浏览了我的部落格！从来没有想过朋友们会阅读我在部落格所写的，尤其是她。。“罗蔓蒂的部落格”的诞生只是想让我有一个地方用文字把我的感觉写下，并不是想引起任何人的注意。她的一句话让我想了很多，她说：“文映，不值得，你不知道他在背后怎么讲你。。”他。。。真的值得我继续忍受下去吗？我不知道，真的不知道。。不知道我还可以忍受多少个半年。。

终于生病了！！好开心哦。。但却不能休息，堆积如山的功课正在排队等我一一的把它们完成，呜呜。。朋友纷纷献上问候，即使只是一个从未见过面的网友，一个普通朋友的问候也让我觉得很感动。为什么我却得不到他的关心？为什么他不懂我?一句“有吃药吗？好好休息哦。”真的那么难说出口吗？觉得很无助，两人的距离说远不远，但为什么我却感觉不到他？好想让他知道我发生的一切，和他分享生活里的趣事，分担他的烦恼。我不要求什么回报，即使要我付出我的金钱，精神，我的一切我都愿意。对于典型的金牛座的人，金钱是重要的。他既然有能力让我无条件的付出，我想我已渐渐地掉进他的陷阱。

多心？？

同样的地点，人物，但为什么感觉好像不一样了？我依然没有把心中一直存在的疑问解开，是因为我的害怕战胜了我的理智。理智告诉我，这是我的权利；害怕告诉我，真相可能是残忍的，一旦知道了事实，可能我永远失去一切。所以我选择了逃避。

又怎样？

就算我堕落，每天麻醉自己又怎样？一杯又一杯的地吞进肚里，一团团的废气吸进肺里，这些事他又知多少。。他不知道，不知道她已变了，变得不爱惜自己，变得不再是他认识的她。

忍受？

是不是只要不将它说出来就可以不当一回事？以前的我只要感觉一丁点的不对劲，就会大吵大闹，逼别人面对它，解决。。。很奇怪，我既然不再有如此的行为。朋友既然对我说很佩服我的忍耐力，“称赞”我既然可以忍受一些不是任何人都能忍受的事。人们纷纷问我是怎么做到的，我回答不了，因为我自己也不知道我改变了。我变得即使我知道真相但可以若无其事，这么一忍就六个月了。要我质问他，面对面解决，没有可能！！即使是简单，正常，理所当然的问题我都不敢~~我想用笨，愚蠢，傻不再适合我，应该说我窝囊。

庆幸

我很庆幸因为我的心脏很强，没有心脏病。即使再大的打击我都承受得住。

安静了-s.h.e

最近爱上在深夜的时候上网的怪习惯，当大家都在和周公约会的时候才静悄悄地爬起来，一个人独自地坐在电脑前把回忆记录下来。可能是怕有一天自己会渐渐记不起那些曾经的回忆吧，在一个节目上听过这样的一句话，“新的记不起，旧的忘不了。”回忆-something that remembered,happened. 回忆也可以解释为回想。人不应该只活在回忆，过去就让它过去吧，谁没有过去呢？每一个人都有一些不想让人触碰的伤心回忆，是看他/她要把那些回忆埋藏在心深处还是把自己永远地困在回忆里。当然别人没有权利，没有能力去决定或改变他人的生活方式，你的生活在你自己的手里。相信你也听说过“选择”这个词吧，选择-choice,able to choose.他人可否想过那些过去可能是一种提醒，或许他/她应该感谢那些不愉快的回忆，因为他们才让你发现这不是你要的，这并不是你所想象的美好。

第一次

我的部落格终于诞生了！对于一个不会用文字来表达心情点滴的我既然开始写blog。感谢失眠吧，因为失眠，才让无聊的我产生推动力，写起blog来。人的烦恼是否随着年龄逐渐增加呢？最近，身边朋友的脸上挂着忧郁的表情。真的很想分担她们的伤心，但大家都把它埋没在心深处，不愿让别人触碰，看见。。